Already planning for next year New Year's eve

After i have being thinking in how will be my perfect New years eve, i finally come up with a conclusion : " Warm weather, beach, friends, dancing and driking =P and where could i find this place? Defenitely my first choose will be Peru. So I will try my best to spend next year New Year's eve in Peru. I wish i went to peru this year but my indecision won and in the end i didnt bought the ticket for Peru or neither for other place =( but well, next year will be. Hopefully by next year i will be able to make more friends and planes will come up.

New Blog design =)

Yes, i got a new design for my blog. I like this design because it has my favorite color and because it says "2009" and i want to think as my new beginning.
Since i left my full time work, every new day i am feeling better; even when i see myself in the mirror i can see how i look different. I am glad i took this time off from work so i can focus in myself and in school. Also, i am lucky i had the opportunity to work in this project using InDesign and Photoshop which are new programs for me and i am learning by myself using Cd's and internet as tutorials and i really like it. Therefore, so far i found two new things i enjoy doing, graphic design and running. I am almost done with my 9 weeks training and i am feeling with more energy and more motivated to go to the gym.
About new years eve: i finally decided or well the circunstances made me decided not to go to Montreal but i am planning have a good time for new years eve.

I am starting to feel good, I am going in the right path to be back to be myself again.
As i say before, i have more time for myself and what I did since i left my full time job was':
1.-In the first two weeks i was in a limbo, not doing anything important, just letting my mind and body rest and enjoying of my bf company.
2.- My bf left USA. I started to clean and organize my room from top to bottom. ( It took me a whole week to finish)- DONE
3.-Clean my car so it looks like knew ( its taking me two days) today i am going to finish it.
4.-Get in contact with friends ( Thanks to facebook) DONE
5.- Go dancing and have a good time- DONE
6.- 5k training ( I am oficially in my 8th week without missing any week)

So, now that i have my room clean and my car, i feel like while i was working on that, i was also working on myself; kind of like cleaning myself of all the stress and the negativism. Now i feel like i new begining.
(The only thing its kind of bothering me is the fact that i am starting having some unresolve issues with my bf but i am hoping time will help because i dont find any other way to solve them).
I will post a pics of my room and my car as i feel so proud of my work on them ;)

New Years Eve- What to do?

I want to do something special or different for New years eve. My perfect time will be near to the ocean with a lot of friends, latin dancing, drinking =) but i am not in Peru so i can't do that =(
So, what options do I have?
1.- Stay in Columbus and go out with my girlfriends.
2.-Go to Montreal and see my bf
One doesnt need me to spend too much $ but the second one does.
One will be something i can do any weekend but the second one not.
the second one its kind of scary because i may depend on my bf's family which i dont want.
In the second one, i may feel bad again for people's personalities
I am kind of upset with my bf so maybe i will be in the defensive all the time and fight with him
he wants to see me but i dont know if it will be a good thing to do
Also, it kind of remind me the last time i was in montreal and how i felt and how things hurt me and i couldnt do anything hoping that my bf will do something which he didnt.
I am not sure which one i should do but i need to make the desicion quick before the price of the tickets go up.

Twilight

Last night I went to watch the movie "Twilight" and absolutly love it =)
It even remaind me my first serious relationship with a guy who was a mistery for everyone in the university. Of course he was not a vampire, his problem was his lack of social skills. We date for 4 years ( i am not sure) , he was a totally different guy when he was alone with me than when he was around people. Our relationship was a "not healthy relationship" but we were keeping going in circles and going back together. We were totally differents, i was a social butterfly and he was the mistery guy who is in his own buble, who listen clasicc music, opera, books etc. By the last year of our relationship i realized how much i changed and instead of being a social butterfly i was part of his buble and become a mistery like him. I started to have hard time making friends, talking to people and to be hones i still have some issues at this point but i dont want to blame him for that because i know i allow him to influenced baddly in my life.
After i watched this movie, i wanted to call him and ask if he watched it. because i am sure he will feel related to that guy ( lol ) its kind of funny but always he was in this kind of histories and believed he was a special guy seeking for a doncella or something like that. he was a dreamer and he got to me because he knew i was romantic.
When i see back in my past i am amazed of how much i changed. I am not the romantic girl who dream about a special guy. I dont writte poems or read them. I am who keep everything real and when i find myself traveling in awake dreams, i bring myself back reminding me how this doesnt help me.
I am not sure if I should contact my ex, i just wanted to talk, nothing special... anyway we broke up because he cheated with my ex best friend.

Resurreccion

Finalmente siento bajar de ese limbo en el que estaba y recien tomo conciencia de que no era yo. La presion del trabajo full time y la escuela habian copado toda mi vida y yo estaba siendo convertida en un robot. Cada dia me sentia mas mal de mi misma. No tenia mas ilusiones y vivia el dia a dia solo por vivir. Tenia alegrias pero eran como sombreas que andaban alredor mio, no podia ni disfrutar de ello plenamente. A eso le llaman depresion? . Mi tia me pidio quite esa palabra de mi vocabulario asi que le prometi lo are.
Esta semana empezo diferente, poco a poco siento recobrar a mi misma, siento nuevamente sonreir plenamente, empezar a gustar de la vida, y aun con la tristeza de no poder estar con mis seres queridos en navidad estoy bien y soy dichosa de tener a mi mami y a zoe a mi lado. Estoy entranando para los 5k ( maraton), tambien estoy limpiando y organizando mi cuarto lo cual me hace sentir como organizando mi vida nuevamente, el sabado despues de mucho tiempo me arregle el cabello ( tengo que confesar que tuve q entrar a facebook para ver cual era lo ultimo de la moda pues yo ya ni sabia eso), sali a tomar un cafe con mi amiga y hablar de la vida ( hace mucho tiempo que no me sentia tan bien haciendo eso), sigo aprendiendo Adobe InDesign CS3 y photoshop ( lo cual me encanta!!! talvez una vocacion? ), me siento mas dispuesta a conocer mas amigos, gente nueva en mi vida. Aun tengo el miedo a estar sola, pero estoy ocupando la mente y manteniendome ocupada asi no me viene ese sentimiento de ansiedad. Mi relacion con keith va bien, el esta en montreal ahora,si lo extrano pero es ese extranar sano y no de desesperacion. el hecho de que el este fuera me ayuda a darme mas tiempo a mi misma y ademas que SI lo necesitaba.
Quiero sentirme yo otra vez. Que increible a que hoyo habia caido.

Un paseo

Happy Day

Today i started my 6 months dedicated to myself =)
Also i am happy to have by bf back

Follow up with the "I AM SORRY"

I am glad my email has been replied. He replied telling me:

"Dont think too much about everything that has happend.  Everything is in the past now and it does not do anyone any good to feel bad about things.  Im sure that you will also do well in life and find someone who will appreciate you and all the good things for you that you need."

So, is this sound like "i forgive you???? Anyway,  i feel release that i apologized and he replied.

Another thing that is going on today is that i oficially recieved the approval to take time off from work so i am glad it did happened.  Now i am in finals in school and happy to have my bf back in town tomorrow for two weeks.

Its nothing else that i have to say today!

Today's favorite song:

Send "Empire" Ringtone to Cell Phone  

Last night the word came down
Ten dead in chinatown
Innocent, theyre only crime was
Being in the wrong place at the wrong time
Too bad, people say, whats wrong with the kids today? 
Tell you uright now theyve got nothing to lose
Theyre building empire!

Johnny used to work after school
At the cinema show
Gotta hustle if he wants an education, hes got a long way to go
Now hes out on the street all day
Selling crack to the people who pay
Got an ak-47 for his best friend, business the american way

Chorus
Eastside meets westside downtown
No time the walls fall down
Cant you feel it coming? empire!
Cant you hear it calling? 

Black man trapped again, holds his chains in his hand
Brother killing brother for the profit of another
Game point, nobody wins
Decline, right on time
What happened to the dream sublime? 
Tear it all down well put it up again
Another empire? 

Chorus

"I AM SORRY" Have you ever wanted to say this and really meant it?

A year and half ago I did hurt someone really bad and even I wanted to say I am sorry, was something inside of me that didnt let me do it. I am not sure what it was, maybe pride? (my bf keep saying i have too much pride and that is why i am wondering if this is what happened with me)
So, i finally say it, I say I AM SORRY for what i did to you. I am not expecting a reply because i know he doesnt want to talk to me anymore. What i most miss about him is our friendship.
I was in facebook the other day and i saw his picture where he is with a girl, i am truly happy for him, I know he deserves a nice girl who can give him the love that i couldnt give. I was not honest with him and trying to avoid hurting him I did lie and say i did love him. Just to recap a litle bit why i did it ( not trying to excuse myself) he had an opportunity to work oversees however he confesed to me his love and wanted to be with me so he was planning to stay instead to try to make it work. Of course i say , he should go because i was not sure if what i feel for him was love, he told me he will stay to make it work and he was sure i will love him. In the pressure of this, i told him to go and we will be talking while he is oversees. Althought, few months later, i met another guy who turned my world upside down, i started to hung out with him ( nothing special yet but some flirting) and while we were hunging out we took some pics that were put in my facebook profile so my overses friend saw it and got really upset. He started to cll me many times every day even at work which put in trouble twice. This made me really ungry and i decided not to talk to him for a while because he didnt let me explain, it was not talking at all, it was just listening what he says which was like a victim and me the bad girl ( when i didnt had nothing to do with the new guy). Later on, i need to confess i become the new guy's gf. The oversees guy started to call again but i put a stop on it and told him i was dating the other guy. I know i should tried to explain the whole situation to him and not let him think i was dating this guy when the pics were taken but i didnt.
LDR:
I find the hardest thing about LDR is the comunication side. I was online with my bf last night and while i was trying to make a point in something without being upset, he thought i was upset. Or when i was asking a question about if he contacted someone from his town , he thought i was questioning him and he didnt like it. My intention was not to questioning and i was not upset but he thought that.Also i was copying my message many times because the conexion was bad and i thought he was not getting my messages,but he thought i was impatient and upset. Now he says we will talk about this in person when is back in town ... 

Training:

Time :23min

Distance : 1.55 miles

I found the pic of my bf's ex ( lol)

My To- Do list

I found part of my my old to do list ( when i was 19 years old) and I found almost all of the things being done by me =)
So, i created a new one to do before my 30's.
Just in case i am publishing both list mix together so it motivates me to work on make it happen:

1. Get in the best shape of my life
2. Become an expert in snowboarding
3. Learn how to ski
4. Get a job I love
5. Take Zoe to an agility class
6. Pay all my credit cards
7. Make a new friendship with a male being me who initiate the conversation
8. Complete a training for 5K
9. Run a 5K
10. Go to a water park and not feel self-conscious
11. kayak
12. Catch a fish and let it go back
13. Make a baby laugh
14. Go on a mission trip
15. Help a stranger
16. Find a doctor I trust
17. Grow a plant
18. Upgrade one room in my house
19. Travel to Europe
20. Go skinny dipping
21. Swim with a dolphin
22. Visit Hawaii, The Bahamas, Puerto Rico or Dominican Republic
23. Take a belly dance lesson
24. Learn Tango
25. Invest in the stock market
26. Kiss in the rain
27. Read 4 books in one year ( one each season)
28. Go see a movie at the theater- alone!
29. Attempt Surfing
30. Learn Turkish (being able to maintain a short conversation or/and sing a song and understand.
    
31. Sing Karaoke
32. Buy and expensive jewerly or purse to myself
33. Learn French
34. Keep in contact with at least one female abroad friend ( for at least 2 years continues)
35. Become an expert in golf
36. Take tennis lessons
37. Host a meeting – speak in public ( I need to succeed on it-feel good about it)
38. Do my jewelry catalogue
39. Wear contact color contact glasses for a day
40. Travel to Turkey, Greece or Egypt
41. Send Christmas card to all my family ( include my dad’s side of the family)
42. Re-study chemistry ( at least the Table)
43. Road trip with mam and zoe
44. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country ( besides Peru)
45. Swim in a lake or in the ocean
46. Get a 100% in a test ( 99% its ok too)
47. Climbed a mountain
48. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
49. Said "I love you" and meant it
50. Tell I am sorry to someone that I hurt ( even if I don’t get a reply)
51. Kiss someone first while he slep
52. Kiss someone first without him expecting it
53. Hugged a tree
54. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
55. Gone to a huge sports game
56. Lay down and watch the stars until I feel like flying ( like I used to do when I was child)
57. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
58. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
59. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
60. Had a food fight
61. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
62. Seen a total eclipse
63. Ridden a roller coaster (Love rollercoasters!)
64. Actually felt happy about your life for one entire day
65. Gone rock climbing
66. Taken a midnight walk on the beach
67. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
68. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
69. Milked a cow
70. Gone scuba diving
71. Played in the mud
72. Played in the rain
73. Gone to a drive-in theatre
74. Visited the Great Wall of China
75. Started a business
76. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
77. Taken a martial arts class
78. Made cookies from scratch
79. Won first prize in a costume contest
80. Ridden a gondola in Venice
81. Gotten flowers for no reason
82. Performed on stage
83. Been to Las Vegas
84. Eaten shark
85. Kissed on the first date
86. Bought a house
87. Been on a cruise ship
88. Spoken more than one language fluently
89. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
90. Picked up and moved to another country to just start over
91. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking with the windows open
92. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
93. Broken someone's heart
94. Break up with someone even you still love him.
95. Helped an animal give birth
96. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
97. Ridden a horse
98. Visited all 7 continents
99. Eaten sushi
100. Interview someone and hire her/him
101. Had your picture in the newspaper
     
102. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about

103. . Gone back to school

     104. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read

     105. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

106.Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read

107. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

108.Dance all night and finish seeing the sunset in a park

109.Hunt for a job reaching every store that is in your way

110.Work helping senior citizens

111.Have someone unexpected singing for you in front of people

112.Feel so much in love that you are willing to leave everything for that person

113.Meet someone in the red light while you are driving

114.Travel to new york without having anyone to tell you where to go

115.Had an impossible love

116. Be with someone more than 5 years younger

117.Drink one bottle of tequila between two people

118.Sleep in the floor for more than one month

119.Have an ex asking you to go back with him and say no

120.Play table tennis for a team in other country besides Peru

121.Get a proposal for marriage

LDR:

Yesterday i got flowers. It was so nice!!! i am happy. The flowers or well all his details motivates me to do the LDR.

Today's To-do

Work in my english paper for the final

Focus in business managment class

ABS

Call Kelly

Today's song:

Kenan Doğulu - Çakkıdı

BURALARDAN HEMEN GİDESİM VAR (i want to go from here)
YENİDEN BAŞLAMAK HEVESİM VAR (i have desire of restarting)
NE VARSA ATTIĞIM İÇİME (whatever i have bottled up)
CART DİYE DİYESİM VAR (i want to tell)

KATLANIYORUZ HERKES GİBİ MALUM (as known we r standing like everybody)
AÇIKLARIMIZ KAÇIKLARIMIZ VAR (there r some outspokens of ours,some crazies of ours)
AMA HEM KEL HEM FODUL TAKIMINI (but both team of bald and bighead poeple)
HART DİYE YİYESİM VAR (i want to eat them with a crunch)

ÇAT DİYE ÇATLAMAK ÜZEREYİM (i am about to crack with sudden)
NERESİNDEN TUTUP TA DÜZELEYİM (where i will hold and will get over)
ORTAĞI OLMUŞUM DÜZENEĞİN (i have been partner of the mechanism)
KENDİMİ BOĞASIM VAR (i want to choke myself)


ÇAT DİYE ÇATLAMAK ÜZEREYİM
NERESİNDEN TUTUP TA DÜZELEYİM
ORTAĞI OLMUŞUM DÜZENEĞİN
HERKESİ OYASIM VAR (i want to carve everybody)


AMAN BE HADİ KALK KAYNAŞALIM KIZ (nevermind,lets stand up,lets unite girl)
ÇAKKIDI ÇAKKIDI OYNAŞALIM KIZ (lets play with one onother)
AZICIK ALTTAN AZICIK ÜSTTEN (a lil bit down a lil bit up)
HOPPİDİ HOPPİDİ HOPLATALIM KIZ (lets bounce girl)

BUNLAR BENİM FİKRİM Mİ (r these my opinions)
KISA METRAJ FİLMİM Mİ (is it my short film)
İRFANIM MI İLMİM Mİ (is it my knowledge or science)
YUH DİYE SÖVESİM VAR (i want to swear with boo!)



ZİHİN OYUNLARIM MI (r they my plays of intelligent)
RESMİ DUYUMLARIM MI (r they my official sensations)
KOYUN UYUMLARIM MI (r they my bosom harmonies)
KAH KAH GÜLESİM VAR (i want to laugh)

HİÇ UMUT YOK MU (isnt there any expectation)
HERŞEY BOŞ MU (is everything nonsence)
DÜNYA ALEM (all of the world)
DUT GİBİ SARHOŞ MU(is it blind drunk)

Kaderi Benmi Yarattim- MUTLUYMUSUZ - I was created according to my destiny- we are happy

In the past weekend i have been organizing my music and i found good Turkish music and then is when i remember some words that i have been learning in the past few years so i decided to include one more thing in my list of to-do's before my 30's and its to be able to establish a conversation in Turkish( it make sense if i already know some) and be able to sing one song in turkish.. sounds hard but i already tried ones and i did good. I always being in love of countries like Turkey, Greece( sorry guys, i know you hate each other due to the history) and Egypt and some day i am sure i will visit them. I had the opportunity to go to Turkey ( with ticket and everything) but i guess i was not ready for it yet but i will be some day. I do believe in past lives and i think i was part of those countries in my past, i feel like i was there and this was before i meet people from there. In fact, since i was a kid, i had dreams about places i never saw before and then i was surprise when i saw pictures of those places and those were in turkey, Greece and Egypt.
After the relaxing weekend i finally feel with ton of energy to do my things and continue doing the training. I am start liking the running =) so i dont want to stop now. Today i have my training day so i will be updating my blog with the results.

LDR:

I need to recognize that LDR may work if both parts put some effort. My bf has been great reminding me how much he loves me which make me feel secure about how our relationship will work and i see things more positive. He decided to email me everyday with a pic of him so i can feel him close and its true it works!!!

Today's favorite song:

UYAN - Tarkan

İki gözü iki çeşme(two eyes are like a two fount)[crying so much]Hepimize sesleniyor(it calls all of us)Deva bul bu derde(find a core to this pain)Gel beni kurtar diyor;(it says "come and save me")Kanadı kırık kuş gibi(like a broken-wing)Garibin içi kan ağlıyor(poor's heart is bleeding)Beni ateşe atmadan önce(before you threw me to the fire)Vicdanına bir sor diyor(it says "ask your heart")Uyan uyan uyan uyan(wake up*4)Koy elini kalbine geç olmadan(put your hand in your pocket before it is getting late)*to think seriously]Bu yolun sonu yokuştur deme(dont say "this way's end is hill)[don't be afraid to try,live etc]Dağları aşarız eğer inanırsan[we can get over mountains, if you believe)[we can deal with any difficulties]Uyan uyan dostum uyan(wake up,my friend,wake up)Koy elini kalbine geç olmadan(put your hand in your pocket before it is getting late)Bir olur geliriz üstesinden( we can get it together)Her şey mümkün eğer inanırsan(everything is possible if you believe)Böyle gelmiş böyle gider("it comes like this, and continues likee this")Deyip de sakın aldanma(don't believe saying that^)Kim bilir, belki de değer(who knows, maybe it's worth)Sen en iyisi doğrundan cayma(as the best, you don't give up truth)Aç gözünü gör de bak(open your eyes, look and see)A gülüm kendini kandırma(my rose, don't deceive yourself)Senin de yüreğin yanacak(your heart will burn too)Hele bir ortak ol da yangınıma(you first become partner to my fire)Uyan uyan uyan uyan(wake up*4)Koy elini kalbine geç olmadan(put your hand in your pocket before it is getting late)*to think seriously]Bu yolun sonu yokuştur deme(don't say "this way's end is hill)[don't be afraid to try,live etc]Dağları aşarız eğer inanırsan[we can get over mountains, if you believe)[we can deal with every difficulties]Uyan uyan dostum uyan(wake up, my friend, wake up)Koy elini kalbine geç olmadan(put your hand to your pocket before it is getting late)Bir olur geliriz üstesinden( we can get it together)Her şey mümkün eğer inanırsan(everything is possible if you believe)Yerimiz yurdumuz toprağımız(our place, our country, our land..)Yok oluyor ebediyen(..are disappearing forever)Evimiz yuvamız biricik ocağımız(our home, our unique home)Gidiyor elden(is getting out of hand)Uyan uyan dostum uyan(wake up, my friend, wake up)Koy elini kalbine geç olmadan(put your hand in your pocket before it is getting late)

Today's To-Do list:

Do final paper for class 367.01

Study Business Managment

Training

Training:

Time: 23min

distance: 1.52 mil